From the desk of Grace Lange,
There’s people pleasers, then there’s me…
I have this INSANE need for people to like me. It’s almost worse than your average people pleaser. When I hear that someone doesn’t like me, I will think about that for months, even years.
I think I have always had this idea that as long as you are kind and try your best, everyone should like you.
Well… I learned at a very young age that that isn’t the case… almost ever.
As much as you try, pray, and do everything to make those around you like you, there will always be someone who has a bone to pick with you.
Because of a recent episode that happened in my life (keep reading to find out), I started to wonder how I could fix this… How can I be okay with people not liking me? Or how can I cope with the idea that someone finds me to not be kind or maybe just doesn’t want to be around me, whether their reason for it is true or not.
Do you approach this person to find closure in why?
Do you just “get over it” as if that’s the easiest thing to do?
Do you learn to hate them back?
HOW DO YOU LET IT GO AND JUST WALK AWAY?!
I also started to realize how this whole idea that I am wrestling with was creating a form of burnout. I am exhausted of trying to please everyone and be everyone’s friend. I am ready to stop trying… but yet I don’t want to.
Do you get what I am going through? I’m sure you do. We’ve all be there.
THE RECENT EPISODE
About 2 months ago a friend and I decided to throw a party bus (a huge deal in the small town I come from) just for fun! We invited all of our friends, even the people who I knew didn’t care for me.
The evening was off to a great start. All of my friends were having fun, I was relaxed and having fun, then out of nowhere, one of those girls who I knew didn’t care for me pulled me aside…
She starts by asking me about my relationship with my boyfriend (which is super great if you are interested), and then proceeds to tell me that his entire family dislikes me…
This conversation was followed by her also explaining to me that our entire town hates my family…
You might be wondering how I was reacting at this point… Let’s just say tears.
I found the courage to walk away at that moment, but to this day her words play over and over in my head.
I went through every stage you could imagine..
- The Sadness Stage
- The Anger Stage
- The Confusion Stage
- The F*** It and F*** You Stage
- The pouring all of my feelings into this blog stage
- The I’m over it stage (haven’t fully reached this one yet)
Your mind may think that she was just jealous… at least that’s what people would tell me…
But that doesn’t mean those words didn’t affect me drastically.
So you may be wondering why I am telling you this story.
I am sharing this story with you to remind you that no matter what, you cannot please everyone.
There is always an underlying reason someone will say something like that to you. When someone has an issue with you, it is THE MOST IMPORTANT THING to do to consider their motives.
Maybe she is jealous…
Maybe she doesn’t want to see me succeed..
Maybe she had a bad day and needed to take someone else down…
You never know, but you need to know that it usually isn’t you.
People pleasers have a tendency to think that they are the issue, and that they need to change how they act to make everyone like them.
It doesn’t work.
There is nothing I could have done to have prevented this mean girl from coming up to me that night… nothing. Boy is that a hard pill to swallow.
Don’t let other people’s bad days, unhappiness, and jealousy burn you out.