From the desk of Grace Lange,
“Grace… just relax.”
“Everything is fine.”
If I had a dollar for every time I heard those words…
Where it all started…
Growing up as a perfectionist, I constantly found myself overthinking and replaying scenarios in my head just thinking of how I should have reacted differently or did something in another way. It was impossible for me to enjoy something good without thinking of one way that I could have been better.
Can you relate?
I still struggle with these thoughts today.
A few months ago I had my first ever paid speaking engagement… awesome right?!
The event went great, and the women I spoke to were very receptive. I had the opportunity to speak about giving myself grace, a topic I am super passionate about, yet as soon as I finished the talk I started to think about all of the ways I messed up.
I became so fixated on the negative that I completely forgot to celebrate that I just accomplished a goal that I had been working towards since I could remember.
This often happens in my personal life as well…
A few years ago my mother told me that she was afraid that I would never truly be happy in my life. I was very taken back by this statement, because I thought…
Why would she say something like that… Do I seem unhappy? Do I come off as critical or ungrateful?
She explained to me that she sees me picking apart every aspect of my life and constantly dwelling on the negative and how it “should be”, rather than how it is.
Specifically in relationships, I had an expectation that everyone around me should be perfect, because I was trying to be perfect, and I would sit and focus on the “bad” parts of a person rather than focusing on how wonderful they were.
It took me several years to recognize these tendencies in myself.. So if you struggle with this, don’t worry, it gets better with practice.
It wasn’t until I started to lose some friends and people stopped inviting me to do things with them, that I realized I needed to stop.
I needed to stop expecting everyone around me to be perfect…
I needed to stop focusing on the negative…
I needed to stop worrying…
… And I needed to start recognizing the beauty in imperfection, and the beauty in focusing on the good.
I would get so frustrated when people would tell me to just relax, to stop worrying, or that things were fine the way they were. I hated when people would tell me to just accept things and move on, or that I did great even when I didn’t think so.
I needed to change my mindset, so I started to implement a few new things.
Each night I ask myself:
- What is one thing I am proud of myself for today?
- What is the best thing that happened to me today?
When I started focusing on the positive things, I automatically became more grateful, more patient, and more receptive to the mistakes I make.
I am a firm believer that what you think about you bring about, so I challenge you to just focus on the positive things today.
Turn off the news, put away your negative social media, change your critical mindset, and choose to see the good. Only you can control it!
It can be really hard to change these things on your own.
If you are looking for a group of women who are all going through these challenges, join us starting in March for our Resilience Multiplier 6 Week Peer Advisory Course!
This course will give you the opportunity to connect, grow, and become more resilient in 6 weeks!