From the desk of Kelsey Buell,
I’m a people-pleasing addict.
It’s almost like I get a high from making others happy.
And often times it’s the people we love the most and are closest to who we are always trying to please.
I remember the other week, my dear sweet husband called me at the end of the day and invited me to go out to dinner with him and some friends.
“We haven’t seen them in forever and it will be tons of fun,” he said with a smile.
What he didn’t realize, was how stressed I was feeling about a project that was due the next day.
I also hadn’t gotten any movement or exercise in for over a week, and I was dying to get a little bit of “me time” to destress.
I bit my tongue and said, “Of course! I’ll meet you there.”
I DIDN’T SHOW UP AS MY BEST ME
I arrived to the dinner, was happy to see my friends, but felt incredibly distracted the entire dinner.
I wasn’t my usual self, and I wasn’t fully focusing on the conversations my friends were trying to have with me…
I was lost in thought thinking about all of the stuff I still needed to get done that night.
Because I said “yes just to please,” I showed up as a “watered down, less dynamic” version of myself.
I was even crabby and short with a few people.
THE MOST LOVING THING YOU CAN DO FOR OTHERS
What happens when I stop focusing on always pleasing others, and make sure I am actually taking care of myself?
You actually are doing a service to others by taking care of yourself.
When you take care of yourself you can show up as your best self FOR others.
I feel like a healthier, happier, version of myself when I make sure I am in the right head space to say yes.
Do you experience pleasing people often?
3 tips to help you stop people pleasing:
- Create a mantra like “It is okay when I say no”
- Don’t be wishy washy with your “no”. When you need to turn down a commitment, say it with conviction
- Buy yourself time – say “Let me think about that and get back to you.”
At the end of the day, it’s honorable to try making others happy, but can be very harmful if you’re an addict like me.
I hope these tips help you work on breaking the people pleasing cycle!
P.s. it’s my birthday tomorrow and I am going to do something fun for MYSELF!
But wait, there’s more good news…!
You are NOT alone.
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